Grief
What we are feeling during this time is grief
Profound sense of loss
Longing for what used to be and sense that it will never be the same
1. Acknowledge your feelings/call them grief/say hello to say goodbye
-
It is perfectly okay to not be okay
-
We have to be able to say hello to our sense of loss first, before being able to move
forward and function in our new normal
2. We are feeling different kinds of grief all at once
-
loss of our general sense of safety
-
loss of normalcy and routine
-
Fear of economic toll
-
Loss of connection
-
anticipatory grief=anxiety: we know a storm is coming, uncertain future
-
Collective grief-shared with all of society
3. Self Compassion is needed - give yourself time to readjust and allow your brain
to reset as you do a mental shift
-
Don’t expect too much out of yourself, first realize that we need to deal with our basic
needs and the needs of those around us at this time.
-
Trying to engage in a frenzy of activity or obsess too much about productivity right
now involves denial of the actual situation at hand.
-
Given time you will be better able to embrace a new normal
-
This is a marathon not a sprint, we need time to adjust and reframe
4. Ways to look at grief
-
Stages of Grief: (do not always happen in order)
-
Denial: So hard to believe that this virus has become so dangerous and changedeverything
that we distract and act like its not really happening
-
Anger: unfair that it has disrupted my studies, graduation, athletics, etc.
-
Bargaining:
-
Sadness: from unstoppable tears to sometimes extreme feeling of depression
-
Acceptance: gain some control by knowing what we need to do to keep ourselves and
loved ones safe, such as staying home as much as possible, keeping a safe distance,
careful hand washing, working or learning virtually.
-
Meaning: find a way to gain a renewed sense of purpose and value in life
-
Grief is often seen as coming in waves, at first the feelings engulf you without warning, later,
we can notice the feeling as it comes and allow it and learn to be able to ride it
out and eventually as time goes by we will notice smaller ripples that are easier
to float along with.
Things that can help:
Come into the present instead of worrying about what might happen
-
tell yourself this is only a temporary state and it will get better/say it out loud
-
Name five things in the room
-
Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds and then out through your mouth for 5 seconds.
Notice the feeling of breath in your nostrils and lips. Repeat twice
-
Feel a soft blanket, pet a furry animal
-
Stand outside and feel the wind
-
Taste something sweet, bite an apple,
-
Stretch your arms above your head
Try this mindfulness exercise from TAO Connect that is free to public and needs no log in to
access.
References: https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief?fbclid=IwAR2JPEdzv8adye9byYTfck6JIkACBT0R8UKhfuil4smHhQqSA6PkVC6CZHYhttps://www.chronicle.com/article/Why-You-Should-Ignore-All-That/248366?fbclid=IwAR1QPSbvQK-0FVWVt937YozhOhg_L63ha3TxW-vuP5HqiGRc53Bj9mLUl0Q
It is perfectly okay to not be okay
We have to be able to say hello to our sense of loss first, before being able to move forward and function in our new normal
loss of our general sense of safety
loss of normalcy and routine
Fear of economic toll
Loss of connection
anticipatory grief=anxiety: we know a storm is coming, uncertain future
Collective grief-shared with all of society
Don’t expect too much out of yourself, first realize that we need to deal with our basic needs and the needs of those around us at this time.
Trying to engage in a frenzy of activity or obsess too much about productivity right now involves denial of the actual situation at hand.
Given time you will be better able to embrace a new normal
This is a marathon not a sprint, we need time to adjust and reframe
Stages of Grief: (do not always happen in order)
Denial: So hard to believe that this virus has become so dangerous and changedeverything that we distract and act like its not really happening
Anger: unfair that it has disrupted my studies, graduation, athletics, etc.
Bargaining:
Sadness: from unstoppable tears to sometimes extreme feeling of depression
Acceptance: gain some control by knowing what we need to do to keep ourselves and loved ones safe, such as staying home as much as possible, keeping a safe distance, careful hand washing, working or learning virtually.
Meaning: find a way to gain a renewed sense of purpose and value in life
Grief is often seen as coming in waves, at first the feelings engulf you without warning, later, we can notice the feeling as it comes and allow it and learn to be able to ride it out and eventually as time goes by we will notice smaller ripples that are easier to float along with.
tell yourself this is only a temporary state and it will get better/say it out loud
Name five things in the room
Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds and then out through your mouth for 5 seconds. Notice the feeling of breath in your nostrils and lips. Repeat twice
Feel a soft blanket, pet a furry animal
Stand outside and feel the wind
Taste something sweet, bite an apple,
Stretch your arms above your head